I thought that the only milestones I’d be experiencing would be those of BabyJ. Smiling, rolling over, cooing… I was wrong, though. I am discovering that I am capable of experiencing some milestones of my own.
If you had asked me even a week ago if I’d go to a doctor by myself to voluntarily request blood work, I’d have laughed incredulously and asked what you were on. I’ve been terrified of needles for the majority of my life. I can’t look at them. I can’t think about them for very long without going into a cold sweat. My world becomes hazy and I brink on passing out every time, sometimes crossing over into a full black out. I get the same reaction for other medical procedures, but this is a different kind of beast. I’ve avoided doctor’s appointments for as long as I can remember.
I got through the pregnancy with Brian at my side for every blood draw, working through it and managing to come out victorious. My very last blood profile during the third trimester when smoother than any I’ve had to my recollection. Even then, I had panic building, trouble breathing, and a fuzzy television set in my eyes for brief moments.
Today I went in to see my PCP, with some postpartum symptoms I’ve been having and she agreed that I should have a test done just in case. I went in today knowing I’d need my bloods done, with the plan to get them, and I didn’t ask Brian to take time off to come in with me. I didn’t ask family or friends. I went in alone. For the first time in my life, I got my blood drawn without a support system next to me.
This may not be a big deal to anyone reading this except for the family and friends who have been on this journey with me or for those who share this typically inexplicable phobia, but it’s an awesome milestone for me.